I always thought people who called losing weight a “weight loss journey” were crazy… Until I went on one.
August 2020 – November 2020
February 2020 – November 2020
I never liked my body growing up and it really impacted my whole entire life now that I’m looking back at it. I would end (or be scared to start) friendships if I felt like I was “the ugly/fat friend” I would skip school events and act out to get attention because I thought any attention would distract from my weight. In high school, I would either overeat or eat nothing at all and after high school, I just stopped caring and watched my weight steadily go up into my adult life. That changed when I decided I was worth it.
In April of 2018 I moved 2000 miles away from home and was at my heaviest weight ever at 239 pounds, I knew I needed to make a change. I switched to a plant-based diet in 2019 and instantly weight started coming off so I didn’t think I needed to workout.. until the weight stopped coming off. In January 2020 I went home and used the scale at my dads’ house because I refused to own a scale and I was at 209 pounds and I was pretty proud of myself and decided I should start working out to speed up this weight loss process. I got home and away from the scale and noticed I wasn’t working out like I claimed I would and my weight was just stuck between 205-209. I decided I was okay with it because I “had already lost 30 pounds and that was enough.” Obviously, we all know what happened next, the pandemic came and the whole world turned upside down. Between the stress of the pandemic, the political drama, and personal drama, I needed an outlet! I needed something to shut out the outside world, so I finally started working out.
I totally wasn’t prepared for the emotions I would go through, I would just burst into tears while doing yoga or get super aggressive doing HIIT workouts, and that’s the only time I would allow myself to actually feel my feelings. I got addicted to that feeling… I got addicted to the feeling of being able to turn the world off and tune into myself, I got addicted to learning who I was through all the emotions. I let my moods pick my workouts, if I was feeling fun and flirty id do a dance workout, If I was feeling angry I’d do a high-intensity workout, if I was calm or sad id do yoga. It created a relationship I craved with myself since I wasn’t able to really see any other people and showed me new fun ways to get my body up and moving. Working out my body led me to work out my mind with meditation and that’s when things really changed for me, I was able to work through feelings and ideas I’ve had about myself and my body since I was a child. I finally was ready to buy a scale in June and I’m proud to say I’ve only lost weight since then, I use the scale as a tracker now and not as a torture device like I did when I was younger. I accept whatever number I see because the only person who can change it is me, and I know I will when I’m ready.
I’m currently weighing in at 182 pounds and have never felt better. I still have work to do to reach my goals and I still eat cookies and I no longer base friendships on how I look or feel, and I no longer stay away from certain foods. I workout to be healthy not to be skinny. I’ve changed the people I follow on social media, I’ve changed how I look at food, and most importantly I changed my mindset.
I just wanna tell everyone who may be on this journey or think that a “weight loss journey” is a waste of time, that it’s worth it. It’s worth it to fall in love with yourself, no matter what you look like. If your journey starts with just 10 crunches a day (like mine did) it’s still starting and something is changing in you! Your body is worth it, your mind is worth it, and you are worth it.
Bad bitch is a mentality, not a look.
You can follow my journey over on instagram @likejustjess for tips, tricks and SUPPORT!